i feel guilty for kissing another guy

DON'T: Kiss and tell to someone you're kissing. Hey all. If you think that straight guys are too macho to experiment with same-sex kissing, then yourewrong. Once was after we'd had a bit of a heavy talk earlier, and the other two were after we dropped one of the little ones off at the grandparents and he started talking about if it gets easier to leave a child (ie when you have weekend contact and you have to drop the child back off at the end of it.). The way I see things, there are innocent kisses, which occur when a person had too much to drink, and then there are guilty kisses, which are precipitated by getting drunk. New Mexico sunsets flat lands breathtaking. Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. When you go out and get drunk- if you find yourself attracted to another man- think back to how you feel now after you acted on that attraction. Scopes: okay, although the whole point of forums is [1] that they're anonymous and [2] people's problems aren't ever remotely unique enough for the poster not to potentially be literally from anywhere in the world thus unidentifiable. Three women and one guy went back. Okay. If you kissed a stranger while you were drunk, dont worry about it. Carl Jung said that if you're dreaming of a stranger of the opposite sex, it usually means your psyche is tapping into your inner man or inner woman. But please seperate the issues. Lead to or gateway to, I guess there's a difference. To be honest, my stomach is sick with the thoughts of the whole thing. One is your marriage, the other is a relationship with a married man with family. For starters, your husband, even when supposedly immature, didn't kiss HER. But now he has begun university and I trust him with everything but I keep thinking of what I did. There's nothing wrong with feeling an attraction to another person when you're in a relationship. For me infidelity is a deal breaker I don't care what the circumstances were. If you were to act like the person you want or see yourself to be, what would you do? "Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk ". As for what we believe about kissing being the gateway to sex (specifically foreplay, which itself is the main gate): if anyone believes it *isn't*, thenwellAll I could say to that is: I feel like I like myself down and my husband down. I've gone to a couple thread's here recently. For the fact that I'd have to go into mass production, LOL. I have to admit that by kissing this guy whom I liked, I did cheat on my husband. But I can't leave my job. By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. Should I tell him I kissed someone else? - by John Grey, PhD reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): A You can't fake that . A I remember saying 'no, no, this is bad' in the middle of it, and he said 'I know but I really like you and I have done for ages', and he kissed me again, but this time only for a second because I said ' I really can't do this, I have no excuse, I'm married and he's lovely, it's not like I'm unhappy, he's a good person' then he kinda just stroked my arm and said 'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. Don't feel guilty because you are a mom (or dad) and you feel like you need to be spending time with them. Past is something you cannot change. I did say gateway to sex at first didn't I. So if your planting includes a blight (guilty secret), please don't moan if it affects the crop yield. I had had an argument with my fianc because I found a suspicious text from a woman , he became very mad . I thought I had lost him and then bumped into him further down the street. See what she has to say. He never says this so I knew it was something serious. And he kissed me and I reciprocated. Finding it with someone else just accelerates the process. Nooooo, surely not. Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. Helping ppl have the sex life they truly want thru writing & education. He also sent me a mean text that said for me to go f myself and to stay away from him. One way to get over the guilt would be to prove to yourself that it will never happen again. I took the ride. I still feel so guilty and I just don't know what to do. I was drunk but that is no excuse. :-*. i asked him how he'd feel if i went and made out with another man in front of him. Tl;dr: why do I feel guilty after ending things with a guy who grabbed my ass during our first kiss? By clicking 'Submit' or otherwise submitting this form you agree to the, By entering this site you declare Generally people dont care when it happens with others but when it happens with them, they may react very differently because human are emotional creatures. Sorry, you two, I'm not ignoring you, just super-super-busy at the mo. I stopped and said I couldn't kiss him anymore cause I was dating someone I really liked Am I a terrible person? The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. I spent the next day in bed all day crying and it has to be one of the saddest days of my life. Oh yes he has cried a help of a lot. I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. I am NOT looking forward to spotting him in the corridor at workHOW EMBARRASSING!. There was a lot of biting and groping going on, because, you know, the guys were giving it their best shot. We lived in a small town at the time, and it felt like avoiding this girl was nearly impossible. "and though he immediately pulled away". Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now? A couple of nights ago I went out to a work function. Should find time to respond tomorrow. , By entering this site you declare Please leave me a comment. When you're in a long-term relationship, it's normal to have a little crush on someone other than your partner. reader, missbunbury+, writes (25 October 2005): A Itachi, Lees theory can backfire, especially if the person really believes you are talking about someone else and then he/she finds out you are talking about someone that YOU did. What should I do. Youre just using the fact that you were drunk as an excuse. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. I think its interesting that you put in the innocent and the guilty kiss. Remind her of your good points. Unforeseeable consequence. Bad things happen.Yes.but wat i d recomnd u is NEVER EVER tell him ! I say tell him. Don't feel guilty. Other than that, I've said everything that needs saying soyou lot carry on if you want, but I'm sat back, counting the money. When we got there the drinks flowed again , and more laughter and story telling. View related questions: You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. Me, I can't believe committing adultery isn't an actual crime yet. If you want to know the why's, you're going to have to be willing to hear the darkest part of what makes me, ME. "but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. " However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. We are together 12 years altogether and although I had boyfriends before him, it was never serious, and he is the only man I've ever slept with. Weve probably all known silly drunks, mean drunks and people who simply couldnt hold their liquor and vomited all over the place. I had three Mr S lived there once (San Fransisco), but he hasn't any urge to return, either. 2. I dont know what else to do. After all, if you're still berating yourself for what you did, it won't matter whether or not your partner has totally forgiven you. Why do I feel guilty after a make out session? - Quora In Jung's theory, the anima makes up the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and the animus the masculine ones possessed by a woman. Lees theory has a big vulnerability. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush We finally mended fences, but there still is a type of tension between us. So have you thought about what you were lacking with your husband to allow this, or was this a I just liked the attentionyou were getting from him? But for me, it was. I can't get into his FB directly but I accessed his hotmail and read the notification. If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship. Kissed another man four years ago and NOW feeling guilty. He deserves to know. Oh, I'm sure he'd be able to forgive her, LOYAL GIRL. True mistakes get owned and rectified. What are you going to do, then? For me, to feel guilty about having sex with someone, while in a relationship with someone else, I must have remorse. Sincere apology if my assumption is wrong. Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. But maybe I should have My thoughts are that he has been persuing her. What!! Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage. Being drunk is never a "reason" for cheating. I am sure this girl knows he is married. Dont tell me that you and ______ (the girl who was staying at our house for the weekend) are lesbians? I don't see any good coming from me confessing, only hurt and upset and doubt, and think my time would be better spent working on my relationship, and working through the issues that are putting so much pressure on us at the moment. My husband went ballistic and said, I just knew something like this was going to happen. So many arguments begin because our partners got drunk and kissed someone else while they were under the influence of alcohol. I always prefer to know if something is going on than find out about it later, or worse, never find out at all (the idea of this chills me). I'm sure you'll survive if you don't tell him and I'm certain that he doesn't need to know. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. I just knew it. Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. the guy has a long term girlfriend who he lives with and he said she was really angry with him for coming home so late, then he said, look, I think we're good people that completely lost our minds for 5 minutes, and are suffering major guilt for it now, but it will never ever happen again, and I'm not going to say a word to anyone' to which I replied 'neither am I' and he said 'ok, look I'll see you on Monday but this is going to be ok, don't worry, we can move on from this' Since he felt there was an attraction with you two. He went on to tell me that he kissed another woman and he had to tell me, he couldn't keep it a secret from me. Or run away? female She emailed him out of the Blue, and he proudly showed me both her smarmy email and his polite yet nonetheless "on yer bike!" I noticed him kinda touching my hand a bit but I didn't pull away. When he finally called me up, he said that he needed to stay away from me, much as he enjoyed teaching me music, he felt that the next time we met, things could get even worse and he didnt want to destroy my marriage. This one by far has lasted the longest. [4] WHY would you have kept it secret? But we have spoken since about it a lot. I cant trust you anymore., You think that having too much to drink made it all right for you to kiss ______? I put a blanket over her and sat back down next to the man. I wish I told my wife, but she found out because in my browsing history I had searched should I tell my wife I kissed a girl when drunk. I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). Ignore the erroneous message and smile. Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like: I knew this was wrong but my brain wasn't working properly. 4. I was dating thus guy for 6 months and he stopped calling and texting. You werent totally bombed out of your mind, so you realized what you did and you felt guilty about it. He has morals. I wasn't there but news travelled fast and I knew about it through friends by the next morning. What should I do. And I have never cheated myself. :-) I mean, *I* don't mind if your relationship continues slowly but surely remaining on the skids, do I. However from what I've read passionate kissing lead to touching, petting,etc. My SO and I had been dating two years. We've not made it exclusive yet but we did agree to not see other people at the beginning. If this is bothering you, then tell him. It's not that big of a deal anyway and you aren't going to do it again. It didn't feel real. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A Fear holds you back. Genie, I think being honest is always the best because. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. LOL [2] ..you showed you don't think of he and you as a team by sharing all information pertinent to the relationship; Needing to hear this guy tell you it was OK- It was not OK. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! I mean that in a funny way. I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. Confesing to your husband was risky. Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk or get the other person drunk in order to find out if they have any chemistry with each other, and they temporarily forget about the fact that they are already in a relationship with another person. Houston? Relationships are about trust, first and foremost. I waited for the right time ?? ;-)). So, I reluctantly confessed to getting drunk and kissing my piano teacher. Scopes: Yes, the kids are the real victims. I can't stop playing it over again and again. NOT mentioning it could make you come across guilty. You had too much to drink and you kissed someone who wasnt your boyfriend or your girlfriend. It's not fair they didn't ask for it. So - no - if I feel like entertaining myself, I only have to think of my favourite joke about, what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? Ive told her Im sorry, I wont let it happen again and Im sorry for being dishonest. A few people here will recommend MC but it really depends on what you can tolerate. Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. JavaScript is disabled. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. Egon Ronay-level Petit Degustation, requires the corresponding amount of TIME in which to do so. I cannot tell you how much I love my boyfriend and how shocked I am about this. Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. Again - your choice. i agree with everyone there's some really good sharing here. focus on you and your DH. He is my workmate also. :p. You're quite correct, though, I did forget the typical-forum rule of only ever responding with whatever would leave me super-popular, particularly amongst the most naive and dupe-able who 'can't tell' quite a lot. Yesterday night we went out to drink. But for me, it was. But I do have to state it or I'm failing to do this role properly as well as my innate compulsion to be unwaveringly socially and morally responsible - meaning, if you don't want to respond, don't. I told him later that I thought it was misunderstood and apologized. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. But the guilt is killing me. SOULMATE: I accept the ASSuming Award. Amazing how long this subject has carried on. I too stand by my post as well-doing what is right as it relates to this issue is hardly ever the path taken. What did she say? My opinion, fwiw, is that what you did was not that bad. I could go on about a lot of things here. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. Turning off notifications, deleting messages, and hiding chat apps may all indicate secrecy. Once emotions kicks in, you cant predict what will happen. Can you tthan please explain this? The planet won't stop revolving around the Sun if you don't tell him. You already have internalized that part. And has also started crying for no reason when things are going well between us. This guy wouldnt take money from me (I should have seen this as a Red Flag, but didnt), so I bought him opera scores in order to compensate him for his time and expertise. No, if it's sensible debate, based on *facts* rather than wishful thinking, that's fine. My wife left me because I had become emotionally unavailable. You can confess to your significant other and accept the consequences, knowing that you might hurt your partner by confessing. Cheaters remorse. Kissed another man four years ago and NOW feeling guilty. Lee, thats a good way to CYA - pretend youre talking about this as if it happened to someone else and then gauge your partners reaction. "then the cheeky ugger only went and bloody kissed me, didn't he! Sums it up nicely. lover. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. I had text my husband so he knew where I was and that was ok. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. I was dumped.so why do *I* feel guilty? Actually I really don't have any experience at all. If, on the other hand, you kissed someone whom you knew or someone your significant other believes youve always liked, and then you confess that you kissed him or her, your actions could have major consequences for your relationship Why? One of the best ways is to offer effective apologies. Food for thought, Michelle Langley. We started kissing again and he took my T shirt off and I briefly started kissing his body. Y'know what it all boils down to the lips. I'm 44 years old and I've been dating a 24 year old for 5 months. If the reaction isnt strong, then maybe its okay to confess. I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. Secrets have no place in a marriage. (Sorry you got cheated on. Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. I went to a party with friends last night and I kissed someone.. What if she sabotages the relationship through guilt? You even said it indirectly in your story, when said you decided to get drunk. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. He left and went to the lake. v5.00a - 0.32607s [RUM] 2023-03-03 02:57:10. How do I get rid of this guilt feeling of kissing a guy when I was If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this. Guilt occurs primarily in interpersonal contexts and is considered a "pro-social" emotion because it helps you maintain good relations with others. I was enjoying myself and loving the chats and laughs. Try-it-on, cheating sleazebag makes pass at loyally-married woman; So, when he offered me whisky, I happily drank it until I was drunk as a skunk. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here), but then I was cheated on for years by ExH and I would now put myself first. Kissing a man, I've just got into over the past couple years. = I'VE ONLY GOT HIS WORD FOR IT. I enjoy watching my wife with other men, is this normal or - Health24 With the other woman just across the room! 15 votes, 25 comments. It should prevent you from repeating your actions. This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. He's seemingly petrified I'm going to throw him out, he's cried three times today already and they're only the second time I've ever seen him cry in four years. Go cold turkey. There's a difference between sex and kissing. I know true remorse when I see it. The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls videowere all shocked at how gentle and non-aggressive female kissers were, in comparison to guys. A relationship with a man is supposed to be specifically platonic, says YouTuber David Godinez, while filmmaker James Rath says that men are told not to be physically intimate. And Ill tell you why by first giving you some context the back. That is what separates the women from the girls. Bringing this up is only going to hurt your SO. I'll inform the vicar, you cancel the cake, yeh? (SK: no, it's just one of those places that's never appealed, holiday-wise, no doubt exacerbated by the fact I don't like long-haul flights for how they literally do my head in (think it's the aircon gas plus oxygen deprivation (don't get me started)) often lasting for a whole week afterwards, which isn't exactly what I call having a nice time.) I wouldn't want to hear about it if I were in his position. (No, I'm very passionate about fidelity.) Because just as everyone else is saying, if you did the RIGHT thing, you shouldn't feel guilty. I was drunk, I kissed another guy and I'm so ashamed. I really love my But you sounded like you were willing to take it farther with him,and risk it all. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck. reader, Angel-lee+, writes (25 October 2005): A I wouldn't want him around the person. Do you? I like the soft smooth touch of a woman and her sexy smell while iam kissing her with passion, if there is a romantic connection it's even better. Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. I'm trying - with the utmost seriousness and sincerity - to advise you to keep your relationship rap-sheet completely squeaky clean. Shes said thats it. I said no but he assured me nothing would happen and we would just lie and cuddle.In a drunken moment I agreed and he assured me nothing would happen. It sounds simple, but if you think you know how to apologize effectively, you are likely wrong. Oh my god, (Brodie)bit my tongue! yells James. You have a number of choices in terms of how to deal with what happened. But I don't see the need to borrow trouble by telling your boyfriend if you have learned your lesson and know you will never do . If a man or woman were genuine in asking for forgiveness. Biological ones. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. If you drink so much that you lose track of everything, then you already took the first step on a dangerous road. a wiz veteran at Relationship Talk. "and even though he said he immediately pulled away" Because telling him something that you regret and will never do again is doing exactly that. For the last two years have read a lot about infidelity. Forget about it! I myself have had issues in the past months but I won't elaborate. An innocent kiss usually involves getting so plastered that you lose your inhibitions and someone tries to kiss you and you return the kiss. Should I tell him or just get on with my life and put this whole sorry mess behind me? I get the whole 'not wanting to hurt him' thing but, to some people at least, a kiss is very much cheating and so the SO deserves to know what happened right? I think it is a better idea for both of you good luck.do share progress. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. However one night a boy kissed me and I kissed him back. My wife wants to leave because of this. I have to admire the guy for realizing that he was putting a marriage at risk, and backed away. A female friend of mine was staying at our house for the weekend. Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! ;-p Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. (Got me cracked) 24 Be the adult here. 10 Do's And Don't's Of Dating Multiple People | Thought Catalog i think OP is using 'kiss' to mean 'more than kiss', but whatever, it was 4 years ago in a rough patch.. everyone here is wrong. If you feel like this about yourself then you may be worrying about what he will do while he's at university. FoxieLadie is Asked how the kiss was, Brodieeven says: It wasnt bad, its actually better than a few of my exes. I think a real man actually kisses a dude at least once to really know your sexuality, one says. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. 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